It's Never Too Late For A New Way Of Life.

My journey into addiction started in my childhood. My mother got pregnant with me while she was in the 12th grade. My parents decided they were going to get married. My father got cold feet and left for a short period of time, but when he tried to come back, my mother was angry and wouldn't accept him back. As a result, she didn't want to be bothered with me so my grandmother raised me.

In the 6th grade, my mother got jealous of me and my grandmother’s relationship and took me and we moved away. She mentally and verbally abused me. When I turned 17, she told me I was a mistake and wished I was never born. She also told me I would never amount to anything and I would never be successful “just like my father”. I was an honor roll student and I got good grades hoping that she would be proud of me. I got a scholarship for college and full room and board and she would not sign the papers and I was unable to go.

I first got pregnant at 17. When I was 6.5 months my addiction started and I was forced to have an abortion. They injected my stomach with something that killed my baby and I had to have my baby after I felt her die inside of me and I watched the doctor carry my dead baby away. Needless to say, that sent me off to the races.

I was lonely so I had seven children; I was a single mother. But my addiction continued to spiral. I hit rock bottom and surprisingly, my mother took 4 of my children that I had at the time and raised them better than she raised me. While I went in and out of rehabs, my 5th child went to her other grandmother’s house. Both of them tried to get custody of my kids but were unsuccessful because the judge saw through their lies and ruled that the kids could stay with them until I got myself together. They never got custody of my kids. I got myself together and got all my kids back. I then had 2 more children and it eventually became too much and I started using drugs again. Every time I got clean, it was for all the wrong reasons, so I couldn’t stay clean. After my children were grown enough to mind themselves, addiction completely took me over and I became homeless.

I am 55 years old. I am truly tired and I want to make something out of my life. I was told it’s never too late to start over. I am now in a rehabilitation program and have hope that I can finally get the help I need to get myself back together. I can’t do it alone, I need help. Within the past two years, both of my sisters have died due to addiction, overdosing on fentanyl. I am the only one left and I do not want to die from my disease of addiction. I need help healing from grief. I have been molested as a child and raped as an adult. I need help healing from trauma. And I need help resolving my homelessness, which will enable me to move towards a life of independence and wellness. I need someone to believe in me. I need to connect with people who understand the transformative impact and power of addiction. I want to be around people who believe in the power of love, and around those who give grace and mercy to those who have been abused and disheartened. This rehabilitation program gives me and other women an opportunity to concentrate solely on ourselves. It is a time during which we can invest in ourselves and rebuild our lives in a healthy and holistic way. Throughout my addiction, I did end up going to school and earned my associates degree in computerized bookkeeping and a certificate in Medical Assisting and Medical Billing and Coding. Now I will go back and work towards my Bachelors in Medical Office Management. I will also work on improving my credit and getting myself into the homeowners program. This is my time to overcome the ills of my past and prepare for a new way of life.

Elisia Smith